What could it be?
I got out of bed feeling very funny today. I tried to figure out what's wrong but ended up feeling very jittery and restless.
Just last night I went to my work conference/cocktail party. It was supposed to be a rather good night until I met my ex's very close friend who works for 3mobile too. She never liked me, I've hated her since the day I saw her 4 years ago. There's just something about her. I've already expected to bump into her, so I put on my best look, carry myself bold and waved to her generously when I saw her. She scanned me from top to bottom, gave me fake smiles and put on some sarcastic comments like how I ditched them. Truth is, I don't even see my ex, why should I entertain them? I told myself it is ok, because end of the day I did the right thing, I made initiation to greet her and respect her presence, as I've always done since before. I knew it will certainly reach my ex's ears, and it wouldn't be pleasant. What was comforting was that before I went up to her, I brieftly told some of my colleagues what happened between me and my boyfriend and how that can relate to her, I had them behind my back the whole time I was talking to her. Is seeing her the reason to why I am feeling unsettled today?
Or could it be just the fact that I am moving out. Two nights ago, I chucked my ex's clothes out in the bin while packing, last night I removed him from my virtual world, today..I'll leave this house and start a completely new life. I walked around the house and ended up in the backyard smoking. I haven't smoked for at least a month, I felt like I needed one. Then a picture came into my mind, it was then when we were just barbequeing in my backyard, just right there, at that spot. I still remember what I wore, what he wore, who was around, and what we did. By tomorrow, it'll all be over. It'll be at the stage where he will be totally non-existent in my life. I am going to lead a completely new life, with new surroundings, new social life, new routine.
Or could it be just workplace stress. I received some news regarding reshuffling of managers in my company last night. One manager lost her position, another one is pushed to the other end of town, about 1.15 minutes drive from his house. Is that a way to force him out of the position? I feel for them because both of them are the most diligent ones. I had a talk to my manager about it, I did not like the idea, though I knew I wasn't in any position to be able to change anything but I really felt bad for them. I was brushed away with an advice - so be it, welcome to the working world! I feel the unfair-ness of this world creeping out of its shell again, I strongly put forward the idea that it is because their stores have a less busy venue hence they are having less sales, it's basic logic, it's not them to be blamed, really not! I was once again brushed away with a comment that I couldn't argue. So is this general working world for business firms? It's either you or me, either one have to go down, there's never fairness, but there's forever competition.
Or could it be homesickness. I've been getting worried about home. Most of the time I tried to push away the thoughts, but doing so make me feel really selfish. But when I think about it too much, I feel very helpless and frightened.
...Suddenly I just realized, from all these issues I've penned down here, it all comes down to a point - uncertainty. Uncertainty of what future will hold..
Just last night I went to my work conference/cocktail party. It was supposed to be a rather good night until I met my ex's very close friend who works for 3mobile too. She never liked me, I've hated her since the day I saw her 4 years ago. There's just something about her. I've already expected to bump into her, so I put on my best look, carry myself bold and waved to her generously when I saw her. She scanned me from top to bottom, gave me fake smiles and put on some sarcastic comments like how I ditched them. Truth is, I don't even see my ex, why should I entertain them? I told myself it is ok, because end of the day I did the right thing, I made initiation to greet her and respect her presence, as I've always done since before. I knew it will certainly reach my ex's ears, and it wouldn't be pleasant. What was comforting was that before I went up to her, I brieftly told some of my colleagues what happened between me and my boyfriend and how that can relate to her, I had them behind my back the whole time I was talking to her. Is seeing her the reason to why I am feeling unsettled today?
Or could it be just the fact that I am moving out. Two nights ago, I chucked my ex's clothes out in the bin while packing, last night I removed him from my virtual world, today..I'll leave this house and start a completely new life. I walked around the house and ended up in the backyard smoking. I haven't smoked for at least a month, I felt like I needed one. Then a picture came into my mind, it was then when we were just barbequeing in my backyard, just right there, at that spot. I still remember what I wore, what he wore, who was around, and what we did. By tomorrow, it'll all be over. It'll be at the stage where he will be totally non-existent in my life. I am going to lead a completely new life, with new surroundings, new social life, new routine.
Or could it be just workplace stress. I received some news regarding reshuffling of managers in my company last night. One manager lost her position, another one is pushed to the other end of town, about 1.15 minutes drive from his house. Is that a way to force him out of the position? I feel for them because both of them are the most diligent ones. I had a talk to my manager about it, I did not like the idea, though I knew I wasn't in any position to be able to change anything but I really felt bad for them. I was brushed away with an advice - so be it, welcome to the working world! I feel the unfair-ness of this world creeping out of its shell again, I strongly put forward the idea that it is because their stores have a less busy venue hence they are having less sales, it's basic logic, it's not them to be blamed, really not! I was once again brushed away with a comment that I couldn't argue. So is this general working world for business firms? It's either you or me, either one have to go down, there's never fairness, but there's forever competition.
Or could it be homesickness. I've been getting worried about home. Most of the time I tried to push away the thoughts, but doing so make me feel really selfish. But when I think about it too much, I feel very helpless and frightened.
...Suddenly I just realized, from all these issues I've penned down here, it all comes down to a point - uncertainty. Uncertainty of what future will hold..
posted by pink penguin at
11:48 am
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