Spoken daggers

Words said...sometimes so harsh and cruel.
They leave scars that never fully heal.

Words flung out in anger are like daggers.
They pierce the soul and penetrate the heart.

Deflating any feelings of wellbeing.
Leaving loneliness that never will depart.

We have underestimated the power of words. We seldom realize how kind words can hinder and heal; while careless words can destroy and kill. Very often hurtful words are flung out without any process in our brains when we're mad, not knowing thats words are irreversible and once the destruction is done not even a million sincere sorries can heal the wound. Hurtful words not only crush one's self-esteem, they also destroy one's faith, take away one's trust..leaving a deep crater in one's mind, emotion and heart. A permanent mental and emotion scar.

So before you strike another angry conversation with your closed ones next time, stop and think before you speak.

Tick Tock

I have suddenly discovered that the busier you are, the simpler life gets. Because, you have less time to ponder and dwell on the complicated side of life.

You'll be surprised. =)

A shameful truth

Spending time with people who remind you of something you try to forget make you your own worst enemy. A change scene will help you see things from a new perspective. You need to let go of the parts in our life that are not working and turn your world around.

True.

But have you ever felt that just as you're about to move on, you turn to look at your past and actually felt that as much as you love to move on, you cannot brush away the memories and the dear ones you loved? As much as you love to move on or have moved on, you fear..fear for leaving someone or something you're attached to or familiar to behind?

It's been past one month. I still can't find the courage to view all the photos taken that night. From a night that I was looking forward to, it has turned out to be one of my life's biggest nightmares. Something I choose rather not to look back on, something I choose to wipe out of my memory..or rather, suppress. There are many times I thought I should look at those photos, but always end up clicking the "close" button. That was how deep the cut is.

If I stay, I feel that I'm mistreating myself; if I leave, I feel that I'm mistreating someone dear. I don't want either one, I feel sorry for either one.

Shame.

Unexpected life; Inevitable death

Was talking to a friend the other day about the issue of disease and death. I know it seems like a taboo kinda topic... but it suddenly occurred to me that life is transient.

Not that I didn't know that.

But it seems more real when u have friends who have parents, grandparents, uncles, aunties or friends who have illnesses or who have passed away.

I believe that when someone suffered from an incurable disease-- then maybe s/he'll understand life better, learn to pay more attention to little things in life, be able to appreciate things/people around and not take things and lives for granted.

So at the end of the day, what really matters?
Is it your academic certification? Wealth? Material goods? Prestige? Fame? Popularity?
No.
Treasure your family, friendships, relationships.
Tell the people who are dear to you that u love them.
People matter.

Random and emotional

Few nights ago when I was studying for my test, one of the photos stuck on my bookshelf caught my attention.

It is a photo of me and my dog.

I took it down, starred at it for a while and tears just started forming in my eyes, before I could hold it back tears were streaming down my face uncontrollably. I sobbed silently for a few minutes. I cried not because anything has happened to any of them, it's just that so many things have happened to me recently and I have been supressing non-stop. Looking at the picture of my fav dog at home just gave me an emotional surge. I sobbed over the failures I have in my life, I sobbed over the meaningful things I've lost in life, I sobbed over the extreme stress I'm forced to go through by myself, I sobbed over my misfortunes, heartbreaks, disappointments and pain, I sobbed over my failure in dealing with them properly, I sobbed over the unwise ways I choose to deal with them, I sobbed over the way I am destroying myself having to drown myself with alcohol, drugs and ciggies, I sobbed over having to hang glaring smiles on my face everyday while letting pain gobbling me up from inside and realized the only thing that has never failed me even once in my entire life is my dog and I missed him dearly that night. If I could I would purchase the next ticket to fly home to see him, that was how much I missed him and that is how much I love him. He has never ever even once disappointed me in the mildest form..he's the best thing that has happened to me in my life and nothing will change that.

It's funny how it's just a dog but his position in my heart is on top of most people I've met in my life...and "most" may even be an understatement.

Huh??

Just out of curiousity when I was studying language and speech for my Cognitive Psychology unit, I asked the internet for the most widely spoken language in the world.

I was actually shocked by the results returned. Mandarin (not including dialects) being the top on the list, is spoken by approx 874,000,000 of world's population, then hindi followed by english as the 3rd on the chart with the stats of 341,000,000.

I've tried to figure how's that possible with the fact that English language is all around the world, literally......No wonder they said that Chinese people are like roaches, they appear in every corner of the world (this is not a racist comment, just a description, I am a chinese myself)..maybe that has to do with affecting the most spoken language in the world?

Wow.

Holding back the years

Changes are part and parcel of our lives.

But I guess they always seem to be the uncertain and weary stage - venturing into the unknown may be a pastime for some, but to most it's simply a coercement, a forceful shove out of our comfort zone.

I guess, changes can be good sometimes...some how.

Changes mould you, give you opportunity to adapt and to strengthen your stakes...to be ready for what lies ahead - for what is to come.

Love

L is for the way you Look at me,
O is for the Only one i see,
V is Very very extraodinary,
E is Even more than anyone that you adore.
--Nat King Cole.

I wished "love" was really as straight-forward as stated by Nat King Cole.

I had my landlord over at our place today. We were all chatting and she was asking about all our love lifes. When it came to one of my housemate's, who had a painful love life, claimed that he had to let his ex go because he loved her. He said "If you love someone, you let her go."

There was an awkward silence that cut through the 5 of us and finally my landlord said, "You must have really loved her..".

Is that the way it should be? Well, that's what everyone says every time. At times, I have to agree with it but is that statement just an understatement sometimes?

Can you claim that a person doesn't really love the other if he refuse to give up a relationship that he has built? Can you say a person does not love the other just because he does not want to give up and is willing to try hard to make things better? And can you say one does not really love the other just because he wants to give himself another chance and the relationship another try?
If that statement is true every time, then aren't we referring to someone with faith for better future, some who believes, and someone who fights for the one he loves as someone who does not love?

Or perhaps sometimes, there is just no way that one can choose between a man/woman you love and love itself..??

Pushing the limit

I can't think of enough words to describe you.
You make me so mad.
Don't push your responsibilities to me.
You are already my responsibility.
When will you grow up?
Don't you think you're very ignorant?
Do you choose to be this way?

Don't tell me you don't know.
I absolutely detest the words "don't know".
You use them too often to shirk away.
You make it seem my fault.
You are so hard to love.
So difficult to please.
Too grown up to chide.
Too young to understand.

John Donne revisited

"No man is an island, entire of itself;
every man is a piece of the continent." - John Donne.

With this world evolving from a collectivist lifestyle to a more individualistic one, it's no wonder most people nowadays believe that they can be alone, they can be separated from the crowd, that their decision they pick has nothing to do with other individuals. You often hear people claiming that they can live alone, they need no one else, they are happy by themselves, and if it's their decisions why bother about what other people might think. I used to half-believe such claims but as I grow I start to realize however true those claims may feel, I am sure there's always one flash moment that everyone of us realized that no man is an island, we're all a piece of the continent, like it or not. I guess very often when we make such claims, it's our denial and projection subconciousness that's tying us down.

From the recent news about an Australian soldier, Jake Kovco who was killed in the Iraq war to the well-known Bali bombing incidents to the devastating Russian children hostage killing two years ago to the shattering news of 9-11, I guess we all are presented with the very fact that, yes, no one is an island.

All the killings and terrorisms mentioned above are, shall I say, acts of the governments. Governments play the game, the rest of the population - pawns. The presidents may be sitting in the luxury offices, served with a cup of cocktail and a pen in a hand to sign any launches of wars, not realizing while they are sipping their cocktail away, their people are dying under their signatures. Same goes to the act of terrorism.

I was bogged down reading the news about Jake Kovco this morning. 25 year old, happily married and have two beautiful toddlers named Tyrie and Alana. Why do acts of country have to come to a point that families has to be shattered and tears of widows and parentless children have to be shed. How is it to draw a line between justice and injustice?

Why can we point our fingers to all the chain-murderers out there, and make such a big fuss over it with police man-hunting such people down while totally ignoring the acts of wars launched by governments which cause thousands of deaths and casualties plus side effects of more possible upcoming terrorisms. May I ask, aren't them all the same? Because the consequences suffered is the death of innocent people, and the devastation caused to their loved ones.

If only all of us can think like John Donne, then perhaps this world would have more peace, less wars, less terrorisms.

My mirror image

When I was young, I remembered reading a line which goes something like: "My dad once told me, if on the day I died I've gathered 5 true friends, then I had lived my live."

I remember laughing at it, thinking what big deal is there to gather 5 true friends. Now, the trick lies in the word "true" which obviously wasn't picked up by the little innocent me.

I've grown up preferring small group of close friends who know me well rather than big network of ..may i say, "acquaintances". I've tried having a large network of acquaintances and sadly I must say at the end of the day, I felt emptiness because at the end of the day I was still by myself, with no one who really knows me and no one to turn to when I really needed someone. Once, I caught myself thinking "Who are those people..do I really know them? Do they really know me?". So since then, I started choosing friends, worthwhile friends. And I must say I'm lucky enough to find some absolutely wonderful friends who love me dearly.

There's particularly one tonight who I thought of. I've always thought of her as my mirror image. Not only she can read me like an open book, she can literally feel my pain and joy when I experience it, she can sense that I need her whenever I need her, she puts up with my foolishness, she takes care of me as if I am her younger sister, she has never once looked down on me, she has the same passion as me, she shares the same beliefs as I do, her words heal me, her advices sink into me fast, she has a similar name as mine and even our rooms were opposite each other - in a mirror image. We've been through thick and thin; we've loved each other and we've hated each other; we've walked through rains and sunshines hand in hand..and I guess that's how this friendship grew so strong.

This friend has never failed me. I hope I've never failed her too.