It's one or another.

The night produce the kind of conducive environment for me to to think about things, reflect about my personal life and go through the day again in my head. Three months into 2007, almost 22 years into my life, I ended up with some loss and gain, depending how I look at it.

I had a very bad relationship the whole 2006, it ended with scratches and bruises not just on me but on each other, our body and souls trapped into such an unhealthy relationship that sparks of hatred fly between us. I ended 2006 and started 2007 vowing to myself that I will look beyond that, and throughoutly unhook myself from the ugly past, move on and find back my own self and I survived at least 5 months into it already with no single regrets, I stepped into a whole new world. That's a gain.

I am a very family-oriented person. Family is my world, my blood, my air and my life. It hasn't been very good for our family. I don't know where it's going, I felt that things aren't true, things aren't going exactly well. I can't find back the same security and comfort, I don't know where are we heading. Though we look OK outside, but behind closed door, it's yet another different story. So I tried my best to correct things and to mend back a possibly broken tie while my parents were here for visit. Admittedly, their one month stay here could be one of the most memorable moments in my life. Now with them back at home, I walked around the house now finding traces that they left behind. I wished I could turn back to a week ago and stopped the time because I don't even know if we'll ever have a chance like this again. To me, that's a loss.

After three years of hard work in degree, juggling my time between 2 jobs and 5 units on my last semester, I've finally finished my degree. I have not failed myself or anyone around me. I fought my way to completing this degree though I was doomed with personal life issues and struggled with financial issues. On graduation day, I don my regalia with a powder blue sash while I celebrated with my primary school friend who's in her dark blue sash. To graduate is to be able to celebrate the hard work we paid off, but to graduate with a childhood friend who I've known for about 12 years or so is just priceless. We deserve a toast, not only to our graduation but to our friendship. And to me, that's a double gain.

In order to pursue my invidividual dreams, I am forced to give up the life which I was just so used to. I travel across oceans for education, leaving the much familiar environment behind for close to 5 years now, leaving behind those who I hold so close to heart, leaving my much loved pet dogs behind, missing out on their daily life and growth, to me, is a loss.

However, having a chance to do further my studies in my master and see my future in job opportunity more laid out for me, to be able to pursue and achieve my dreams in terms of knowledge and then knowing that I can apply my knowledge to the society and individual out there who needs my attention, care and help, is indeed more and more rewarding. That is a gain.

For the rest of the year, I see myself working hard for my master course, be outstanding in my practical, learn as much as I possibly can and get the most out of it. I also need to spare some time for my part time job and earn some extra dollar, save up and step it up slowly. That means less shopping and over-the-board-self-pampering. That's a loss, I guess, haha.