Night journey

Dream is where we sometimes express our deepest, innermost feelings that in real life we never had a chance to explore. It's where we explore our fantasies, meet our ex-lovers and fall in love with each other all over again, meet our dream partners, reunite with long-lost friends, relive our past or travel to the potential future. Sometimes, it's dark and mysterious, sometimes it's sad and disturbing, sometimes it's touching and emotional...that when we finally woke up from it, we either wished we never had such dream or we wished that we did not wake up at all.

The beauty of dreams is that it allows our imagination to run wild and make the impossible seems all that easy. It can fill you with the most significant feelings that you actually wake up empty and disappointed. And sometimes, you can even wake up, in love with that mysterious man in your dream and wished that you can see him again..perhaps, this time, in the reality human-world.

four loved ones

my four dogs with very different personality traits, from the very sane to the extra-insane; with one who's a clean freak to another who bounces on her own poop; and one who's extremely picky with food to another who eats practically anything; from one that looks like a plush toy to another that looks like a hyaena-wannabe.

Bebe's Sunday blue

Even dog experiences one of these days. Haha.

In the end, only kindness matters..

It is my last day at my fieldwork today. It has been an 8 weeks journey of working with people with disability and such experience has opened my eyes in oh so many ways. Each of us work with a group of 3-4 of them and we do activities such as cooking, baking, painting, music, and computer.

Up until then, I've never had much experience with people with disabilities; it's until I work with them, I realize they can be the biggest sweethearts ever, they're sincerely genuine, kind and smart. Working with them can be so rewarding - teaching them opening a lid or using knives or just normal self-care by promoting independence can make me jump with joy when they successfully learn a task, and it's always a great feeling seeing them laugh, smile, clap and just..being so strong in general. It is often too easy to get carried away, I've seen carers and health professionals manipulating those individuals and really, it's not easy to not see yourself as the powerful being amongst them and very often put them below you without even realizing it. Hence, everytime before I walk through the centre's door, I would stop and remind myself that these individuals have all came a very long way, life must have been so tough on them, yet they never stop struggling..they are the heroes. If there's ever once I have to identify the stronger, kinder and smarter individuals in the population, it will be them, not us. If I were to go through what they're going through or what their families have gone through, I probably wouldn't have came so far...

I told them when I'm leaving that today is the last day, they all just stared at me blankly. I wonder if they understand what I said, or they just did not know how to express much emotions. But when I asked, "Will you miss me?"..it's followed by an answer so touching and honest, "Yes."...clearly they understood. One of them rushed to her lunch box, fished out a small blue cube and put it in my palm gently before I left, it is a chocolate wrapped in shiny blue paper, "For you!" she pointed at me. It's her way of saying "thank you" I supposed, one of the most touching non-verbal thank you I've ever received.

So if you ever see them in the public next time, please do not see them or treat them differently, as they're very much same as us, except the fact that yea, they are much stronger and smarter beings than us.

missing out

I feel like my life has almost lost its meaning. Everything everyday is just repetative and routined and I haven't had time to even ponder on anything or question my purpose until now when I think about it, I can't even recognize or define it myself. If I'm not in uni, I'm at work otherwise I'm catching up on uni work..when I finally have time, my body just screams for more rest and sleep, hence the only things I do apart from uni and work, is to stay at home and sleep. Really, what's life for? I feel like things backfire on me. I always thought we work hard for a better life, we strive for the better, but what I did not realize is on the process of striving and working so hard, I've already lose out so much on life and really, it all comes down to just one question, what exactly is life all about because either way, we're missing out...

A job that turned my life around

I was just looking through old photos and realized how much I've changed - not just my appearance, but the paths I choose to go down on, the goal in my life, and even my self-identity.

Have I ever mentioned that the company I'm working part-time for now, is a Christian company? Yea, even the name says it all. The founders of the company are staunch Christians and used to live a very poor life and they believe in God's grace, they were given the opportunity to set up this company and eventually, with their hard work, rank as one of the top mobile dealers in Australia. Their stories touch and inspire almost everyone in the company and made my eyes watery when I was told about it and it would be one of those stories I would sit and tell my grandchildren next time.

You know I am not one of those religious person but I am not entirely sure if it's a coincidence, but I often believe that it's somehow God's blessing that my ex-housemate introduced this job for me. This housemate only stayed with me for 1 week and told me about this job hence I looked it up. It almost felt as if God has planned all these for me, and to put her in my life for a good reason. At that time, I was at the bottom of a pit hole, I was depressed, I was going through an abusive breakup, I was going through family and financial problem and I got introduced to this company, I went for the interview and was given a job and since that very day, my life starts to turn the page and heads for the better.

My colleagues never really have an insight of my relationship but to me, they're almost like a sweet-escape. They do not know my personal life which was crumbling down, hence to them, I was just like any other normal individual, they treat me like a normal individual, they never judge me based on my past, but yet they are always there when I need someone most, they allow me to walk out of my depressed self and build up on a new me. Well, they don't need to be the ones who lend me a shoulder to cry on or have heart to heart talks for 2 hours on the phone, but have always diverted me from negative thoughts unintentionally. Sometimes, I think the biggest comfort when you're feeling so low or have lose sense of direction is perhaps not to talk about it, throw out everything from the past and start a totally new life with a brand new vision and goal of your future. And eventually, they've came to be my biggest support in my life, they keep me occupied with laughters and hang-outs and chats that divert my attention my pain in life and open up new opportunities for me. They're like to type of friends who don't talk need to have heart to heart talk with you about your personal life in order to make you feel better. I managed to pick myself up and build a brand new life. I don't think they'll ever think how much they've impacted my life with that minimal effort, and they probably don't know how thankful I feel for them, really. And if I can tell you, it's also them who let Bebe into my life and allow abundant of wonderful things to come my way. I wouldn't have gotten Bebe if I never got to know them.

So yea, I can very safety say that my life has turned around for the better since I joined this company, a Christian company and I believe it's God's very sneaky way of making things better for me, blessing me and reminding me that yes, everything happens for a reason, a better reason. =)

I've posted this about a year ago, but would like to slot it in here again for the significance and a tribute to my colleagues:

"Some people come into our lives and quickly go.
Some moves our souls to dance.
They awaken us to new understanding
with the passing whisper of their wisdom.
Some people make the sky more beautiful to gaze upon.
They stay in our lives for awhile,
leave footprints on our hearts
and we are never, ever the same."
-Anonymous

The unseen

I wonder if everyone has noticed that as the evening arrives and the night falls, everything starts to lose its colour and we see things in shades of greys. And we perceive our surroundings with previous knowledge of things in their colour in the dark - we never really think a tree turns grey and a rose too, turns grey at night; trees remain green and roses remain red, we paint them with our knowledge and perception. In a way, I sometimes think it's another tiny thing we may have taken granted for in life because no one really cares or no one really stops and looks at the world as it turns grey at night.

Take a little moment tonight and look around as the most magical beauty of nature takes place around you. Chuck that previous knowledge and perception of things and their colour out of your brain just for a little while and you'll learn to appreciate the beauty of shades of grey that's painted in our world as darkness takes place. Goodnight.

Bebe's new obsession

I dragged myself home after 6 straight hours of classes today, threw myself on the couch and felt like a complete mess. Bebe bounced in almost immediately and I almost felt that she had this sudden burst of energy and I was going OH-NO, OH-NO. I did not mention that I taught her to "shake hands" about a week ago and she masters it in less than 3 days, but anyways since then, she's obsessed with it. Whenever I move my foot, she'll put her paws onto my foot, trying to "shake hands" and when I did not have my feet on the ground, she'll attempt to climb up the couch, with her arms extended so high up, demonstrating that she wants to a hand shake.

The frequency of this whole handshake thing is driving me a bit insane because every two minutes, Bebe is extending her arm forward irregardless of what she is doing or what I am doing. I almost wished that I've never taught her that!

If there's such thing as ADHD in dogs, do you think Bebe has it? I seriously think so.