Heartbreak.

I am sure most of us have experienced a heartbreak to a certain extent. A very odd and awful feeling, a tug that makes you feel tight and heavy in your chest followed by some numbness. It almost feels like you've lost your soul, as if someone has thrust something cold into your heart or as if your heart has suddenly dropped 1000 feet.

I guess that's why they call it a heartbreak. Because it feels as if your heart is literally breaking.

A dream come true

I've never thought I'll ever be lucky enough to meet a good man. Or rather, I never thought a good man still exists. Well, even if yes, what's the probability of me being with one - close to nil. Last night, I looked through the crowd, saw no one but him. I did not hear the loud music and the chatter of the crowd as I continued to stare at him from far. I was drown in that moment when I realized that I am very lucky to have him, a man with a heart of gold and said to myself that I do not want to take things for granted anymore. That moment came to an abrupt end when he tapped me and asked if I am okay. He cares for me so much, do I have a reason not to be ok? I looked at him in the eyes and nodded. I cannot be any better. And if there's any night that I feel my love towards him, it's last night. And it was intense.

So many things have happened over this whole month. When I look back at them, I realize the pain that I've been causing him. My insecurities carried from the past has greatly impacted on the ways I look at things. My decisions nowadays are pure selfish. I put a hole in this relationship, and I have no one else to blame but myself. He could have left if he wanted to, but he was willing to stay and give it another go. At that moment, I realized that this man is my dream come true, my prayers answered. And if I don't start realizing and change my attitude, I truly do not deserve him.

And so now everyday I work towards a change. A change in my own attitude, for him. I want to be someone better because I know he deserves to be treated much better. I have come to love him, and I want to do my best for him.

Grandmother..s.

I've always wondered if there is such thing as a dream job because a job is a job, will it ever be enjoyable? I must admit since I've started my full-time prac at the nursing home, I wake up every morning looking forward to go work. I'm done with 2 weeks and left with 4 and never can really imagine not having to go there again.

I've always been told that old people are boring, bitter and senile. It's a shame that I kinda believed it until I started my practical there. I can't complain because it feels like all of a sudden I am waking up for 40 lovely grandmas or great-grandmas even. I put behind my personal worries and problems and reality seems just so far away every time when they are around me. Like a wise man, they'll give me advice. Occasionally, they'll force me to play some tune for them on the piano while they hummed and drift away. Some of them are so funny and cheeky that they crack me up. And some are simply oh so sweet.

I...just feel like a very pampered granddaughter amongst them.

That thing about "Sorry".

There are some guys who are so against saying sorry that you can consider striking lotto when they say it.
And, there are those that who say it so much so that "sorry" almost lost its meaning.

I kinda don't know which is worse now.

Destination

I have found the joy in driving endlessly without a destination. It's takes your mind off things...at least temporarily. And it makes you feel that you are in control of the speed, the motion, and the direction. And even if you've taken the wrong turn, all you need to do is to take the next u-turn. Why can't life be like that, too.