The past 2 weeks have been really rough and it felt like the longest 2 weeks of my entire life. I'm really going crazy and it doesn't help that I have too many things on my mind.

I wished life could be simpler. I wished that it is possible to inject a memory loss concoction so that I don't have so many thoughts floating around in my head. I wished I could turn back time and be a child once more.

Bad Start to 2009

It's the new year again. I did not celebrate it this time, simply because 2008 started well but wrapped up in a really awful manner. The minute cross-over from 2008 to 2009 was perhaps one of the most awful moment I had to experience. It felt as if I was trapped in a nightmare, I sat on the couch, weeping and swearing on the phone, looking out the balcony into the sky that was showered with fireworks accompanied by distant crowd cheering "5,4,3,2,1..Happy New Year!". I remember thinking to myself cynically, "Huh..Happy New Year? You're fucking with me."

I spent my new year day in bed drowning myself in sorrow. Text messages of NY well-wishes did not stop coming in, I felt almost like everyone around me is free flowing while I am trapped. I finally gathered some strength, got up and did some thing productive. Silently although quite reluctantly, I planned myself some NY resolutions.

i. Start a fresh life, concentrate on my new job, my new path, focus on myself
ii. Save and travel
iii. Rebuild faith
iv. Keep fit, return to gym

I'm not sure why though, today I suddenly thought of my ex. I remembered distinctly one night, outside my East Perth apartment, before we got together he said to me, "At the end of the day, we only think for ourselves. Everyone in this world is self-centered.". I reacted negatively to that statement then but I'm beginning to believe in that now.