Regrets: I have a few.

Regrets, we’ve all tasted the bitterness of it.

Recently I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, serious thinking – about my life and what I’ve achieved. It’s just so weird because on the surface, my life this year is perhaps the text book definition of stability. I’ve finished Master and got a job as a Registered Occupational Therapist almost instantly. I’m well-paid, I’m confident and good at my job. I’m independent, I live by myself and I have a dog. My parents are proud of me; people around me think I’ve built a path to success. But I don’t.

Maybe the stability has gotten the worse of me. I feel like I have no room to grow and improve anymore. I’ve lived 23 years of my life studying, constantly improving academically and non-academically. And suddenly, it’s plateau. And so my life has finally slowed down, which means that I’ve finally had a chance to stop and think, and look back just to check if I’ve always made the right decision. To be honest, I’m not sure if I did. Yea, I’ve gotten myself to where I am this stage of my life, a stable income and stable 9-5pm job but...this, is not my dream. I look around me, I see friends who put their feet down and pursue their dreams and I regret I did not follow their footsteps.

I gave up the dream of becoming a musician in an orchestra, taking on my dream job around the world. And then...I also gave up my other dream, of becoming a psychologist. Just because what I’m doing now seemed more logical, and reality-based. I chose to take on the safest path, now I’m finally faced with the consequence of it, and I never thought it’ll be this significant to my life.

A nursing home story

I work in aged care facilities, which means Death has become something that I have to deal with almost everyday. Few weeks ago, I witnessed someone dying, right infront of my eyes, peacefully though. One, two...three last gasps of air and he has crossed over to another world.

There is something so rewarding about working in aged care facilities that many people do not see. My biggest drive is to make someone's last journey a comfortable one. Second to that is probably the fact that it's more like I'm visiting my grandparent's home everyday, and there is a total of...let's see, 170 of them? Third to that is the amazing and wise lessons and messages that they convey to young people. 90% of my residents are 80 years old and above; I have one who is 106 years old, three 99 years old turning 100 - so technically, they have been through WWI, WWII and the Vietnam war. Most of them have dementia, they are frail, they have disabilities. Despite their physical and cognitive disabilities, their eyes so often tell stories of strength, courage and wisdom.

It's ironic how when we tell our friends about our troubles and they respond with "You'll be fine.", we get somehow taken aback, thinking, "How would you know what I'm going through.". Truth is, they don't. Most people say that because that's the only thing that they know how to say at that point of time. But, when an elderly responds with "You'll be fine.", there is some kind of truth in that. Because really, who are you to say the otherwise when this person infront of you have gone through wars and live another 50-60 odd years? What we are facing today as compared to their lives before is like comparing a gun shot to a paper cut, no? So there, when I feel like I have the world on my shoulders, all I need is a "You'll be fine!" from one of the 170 elderly that I work with and I know I can take their words for it. =)