Not all there

I feel particularly weird tonight - one of those days where you don't feel so good but you feel like you almost do not have the reason to feel this way. I feel like keeping to myself very much, and when I usually do, I tend to want to do a lot of thinking but not tonight. No thinking, maybe just some expressing to do.

I once talked to an old lady, who told me that life is all about purposes - when you were 18, you looked forward to graduating uni; when you finished uni, you looked forward to work; when your career was stable, you looked forward to finding a life partner, having children, grandchildren so on and so forth but when you have done all that, the only thing that awaits is death and life has lost its purpose. I am not anywhere near that stage yet but I guess my life is so stable now and I can almost see what comes next and to be honest, I feel that this is it! Well - sort of, if you get what I mean.

Am I weight down by responsibilities? Maybe. Maybe I am not ready for all these yet? Maybe all I want isn't a mortgage now but the endless shopping spree and exotic holidays on the other side of the world? Maybe I want to feel the adrenaline pump and the jitters of a first date again? I don't know. I feel guilty for feeling this way sometimes, I have so much in my life that some people would kill for, I feel like a total ungrateful idiot - so what am I complaining about again?? I don't know!

I think I just need a good 12 hours sleep.