Run

I know that things got very nasty when all I want to do is run. But most of the times, I don't know where to. I don't know how I could still pull off smiles and laughters and appeared strong, I know, however that I am really wilting in there.

I managed to have a little escape from my harsh reality when I bud into the warmth of another family. I let their life took over mine, for a little while. I am truly grateful for it, truly. I had cold sweats the moment I thought I am alone, I hate being alone now. I am scared and very vulnerable. I am afraid that I can't hold up anymore. But I know I cannot fall, because as much as my world has crumbled, I still need to be a pole for a person. Then again, I wished someone is here to tell me that I can be weak for just this once, that if I happened to fall, I'll have them to hold me through if I don't want to be strong again, that it is ok, that my burden is shared. Normally, I wouldn't allow myself to appear weak, but this is the first time I actually wished that someone is there to allow me to be weak, just this once. But..I felt like whenever I arrived at a doorstep, the door automatically shut on me. I've moved around like a nomad; I have no purpose, I lost my direction in life.

Hence, my other option is to run. Run. I wished that I could just vanish into thin air; or I could carry a new name and leave behind my past 21 years of life and start a totally new life somewhere else. I am a piece of white paper scribbled, tattered and torn. I am tired, very.

I wished that I could die and be reborned into someone totally new at this very moment. Perhaps someone who's more keen, enthusiastic and optimistic with life.