Nightfall

Almost every night before I sleep, I have the tendency of rewinding my whole day. Perhaps as you do, too. Picking up things and trying to make sense of actual moments, trying to figure out why certain things happened or why certain person behaved such way. Sometimes, I managed to find a reason before falling asleep; certain times, I cursed at myself for rewinding an unpleasant event that probably had no explaination to it whatsoever. I also have the tendency of backtracking for something pleasant or thinking of someone decent in order to find the comfort and calmness to be able to fall asleep peacefully.

Last night was weird. I rewinded my day to find it monotonous. I fast forward my vision trying to pinpoint something that I could look forward to, and found non either. Nothing comforting, nothing particularly pleasant. So my mind started to wonder...wonder back to the whole year.

Picking up things and trying to make sense of this whole year. To my surprise, I found comfort in it. Instead of feeling really upset with what I have gone through this year, I have finally found strength in it. The journey to where I am now wasn't exactly smooth riding, but I am proud of where I am today. I am, in a way, glad. Taking 5 units, overloading my semester, having 2 jobs, having to fight through a painful relationship and deal with heartbreaking family problems, yet be who I am and where I am standing today..I am proud, so proud of myself. I am proud that I did not allow my personal problems to interfere with my studies; that I bravely walked out on a hopeless relationship and gathered myself back by my own hands; that I pushed myself to strive for a job that I never thought I would be able to handle, dressing up professionally attending conferences and seminars; that I am still brave and strong today, facing the days as it comes.

I've been hurt but in return, I learnt a lot. I've lost some but in the process of dealing with loss, I have achieved more than ever. I've grown so much. Most importantly, I've found something that no one can take away from me..because this strength, bravery, independence and determination I found come from within me, myself.

...I finally fell asleep feeling good and confident about myself. I know I don't need to fear anymore because I know this strength I have in me will keep me going as I face my future, no matter what the future has in-store for me.